My mood explained!!

Why am i the way i am,

god only knows, sometimes i just need the day, sometimes maybe it is just better if i spend it alone, i think that i just had higher expectations of these two days than actualy occured, and i think its all due to the lack of money thing, and the fact that soph's in australia and that james isn't moving in, and that parents are away, and that work can be depressing as hell and that tv is crap at the moment and that my social support network seems to be collapsing in on itself i believe imploding is the phrase, and james is leaving in less that ten months; something i think about on a daily basis and makes me very sad, and lastly i do not think that anything is going to happen this new year, i mean it will, but the people i want to spend it with james, soph, jo, would all come if they could, but thats just it they can't, and now the question begs as to whether i am that sad that i should go on my own, people do it all the time, and i could have a great time, but then i could also be lonely as hell, still, needs must as the devil drives.



You see i am tempted to spend the day in bed, watching tv, drinking tea and just doing nothing, but i am inclined to believe that that is why im crap at the moment, lack of things to do, so im going to the gym today, pro activeness is clearly the key, that and i haven't been to the gym in over a week, and im starting to feel the flab, mind you i am keeping up the hockey, really enjoy it, my let loose, whacking that ball is some tension release, almost better that sex, especially when you hit it just right. Clearly this is what i need, more forms of stress relief, i believe im also needing to get back to work, boredom also a key factor, mind when i went to work yesterday to hand in my time sheet, made the ill fated mistake of saying to lead nurse S-G- woods, that her patient looks better, i had looked after him on a number of occasions, but it turns out, had i bothered to look at the screen, him having a Bp 50/20, that the old chap was just about to die. Nice, still approapriate or not, it made us both laugh, and thats what good about where i work, we all get on so well, and i am much more confidant at work, im now to be some new persons mentor, as im supposedly, experienced, well more experienced, what do they know, i guess doing this well will make me look better to the senior team, which is key if i wish to progress to the principles course and my E grade (upper band 5), the key factor which is keeping me in this country. As i he just learned my brother and his better half are planning on leaving the country as soon as she has her pgc and years experience as teacher, that is in just over a year.

So, my to do list:

• Cheer the fuck up
• Go back and work my ass of, in the gym
• Impress the judges, (senior team)
• Quit moaning about things i can't change
• Keep in touch with all my friends, no matter where they are.
• Cut james some slack, its not his fault he's male.
• I love you!!!!
• Exercise more, watch less tv.
• Thornbury shifts as much as possible, to earn muchos money,
• Beat james over and over and over again at mario cart.

Good-bye and good luck.